Style Workshop Week 2: Laying a New Foundation
Let’s get right to it. Practically, we’re giving you a second week to get your closet indexed.
This gives us a moment to breathe - and, in this lesson, reflect on why we’ve gotten into this situation in the first place: a closet full of clothes but nothing to wear, and more confused than ever about your true personal style.
The Lesson
So, why have we gotten so lost? Why are we stuck in this hellish loop of buying more and more things, when the things we’ve bought before barely work for us in the first place?
Well, there are a few reasons…
You don’t have a north star
It’s pretty simple: if you don’t know what direction you’re going, then you are going to get lost.
Not only that, but the fashion industry is BUILT to take advantage of lost souls. In its current form, the industry exists to do one thing: sell as many clothes as possible. It’s much harder to shake someone with a strong point of view into off-track, impulse purchases. But a lost person? Easy. Tell them that *this* oversized black blazer will solve their problems, and then spin them around and say, “oh no wait, actually *this* slim fit black blazer is the direction you should be going”.
And just like that, you spend a LOT of time walking in circles getting nowhere, fast. And of course, spending a LOT of money for the pleasure of doing it.
That’s why finding your own “north star”, otherwise known as your personal style is so critically important…and, exactly what we’re here in this workshop to do!
A lot of people think that grasping your personal style means that you’ll always know what to buy. That the outcome of discovering your style is a neat list of new things that now make *perfect sense* to add to your closet. But in many ways, it’s the exact opposite.
More than anything, having a stronger grasp on your personal style makes it easier to say “no” to things. Rather than being a lost tourist in a foreign airport falling prey to every taxi driver and tour guide ready to take you on a ride (literally and metaphorically), it gives you the assurance to say “not for me” and walk straight to your pre-paid black car.
As you move through this journey, notice when it becomes easier to eliminate options rather than add them. That means it’s working!
You shop for your fantasy self
Another super common potential blunder is when you *think* you have your north star, but that north star is actually for someone else: your fantasy self.
It’s an easy mistake to make because fashion can be very transformative. It has the power to allow us to play any role, at least temporarily. Put on a strong-shouldered power suit and you can feel like a powerful executive. Put on a slinky lace slip dress and you can feel like a vixen. These are purposefully exaggerated examples, but if they’re true then why can’t the right clothes make me feel like the person I sometimes wished I was? My fantasy self.
We all have one. She’s the girl who actually loves wearing heels because they never hurt her feet. The one who gets dressed and goes out for drinks with friends on Friday night instead of collapsing on the couch in her pajamas with a glass of wine. The one who shows up to work in a perfectly crisp shirt and impeccably tailored trousers because *she* is dressing for the job she wants!
She’s typically 50% fancier and 100% more willing to put up with inconvenient fashion choices than the real you. And, unless the therapy is really working, she tends to be prettier, skinnier, and cooler than how you really feel about yourself.
The problem is: fantasy you isn’t the real you and the longer you try to dress like her, the more it feels like a costume. And, the more you shop with her as your north star, the more your closet will fill up with clothes you don’t actually want to wear…and, here we are today.
You abandon what’s in your closet
It’s a really ironic loop we’re stuck in. We convince ourselves that the thing we don’t yet have is THE thing that’ll solve the problem. We bend over backward to get that thing into our closet. And, then the moment we get it, we completely abandon the thought.
“Oh, that old thing? It’s fine, but not life-changing. But you know what will *really* turn things around!? If only I had [insert next thing on your shopping wishlist].”
We rarely sit with what we buy. Really sit with it. We think that the clothes themselves should make getting dressed completely effortless, and so if doesn’t feel that way then the problem must be that we don’t have the “right” clothes yet.
And yes, the “right” clothes (for you!) can make things a lot easier. But it won’t ever be effortless. It takes just as much effort to get dressed well as it does to shop well (maybe more!), and we are vastly underinvesting in that critical step.
By ignoring what you already have, you’re also missing out on critically important insights that will make finding your real north star a much faster and less frustrating process. If you have things in your closet that truly didn’t work for you…why? What was the gap between what you *thought* it would do for you and reality? Get really specific! If you don’t sit with your things long enough to understand this, then you will be stuck in this loop longer than is necessary.
All this is why we believe that the best and only place to start in this journey is with what you already have. It’s also why we’re asking you to digitally index what you already have as the very first step.
The indexing process allows you to reflect on what you can learn from the decisions of your past self - and, creates an opportunity to re-ignite the curiosity and excitement you had for these clothes before they landed in your closet. It’s a sorely needed moment of recognition and gratitude.
Even more? The outcome of a digital closet will also permanently elevate the importance of your own closet in your personal style equation. It’ll make shopping your own closet just as fun as (regular) shopping, and make the undervalued step of actually getting dressed every day so much easier. It’s a one-time investment that resets your entire foundation. Which is what you’re here for, right?
The Homework
Finish indexing your closet. That’s it.
If you’ve already finished indexing: congratulations! I hope that everything we shared in The Lesson about why it rocks is ringing true. Feel free to skip forward to next week.
If you find satisfaction in completionism: good for you! Get it all done.
But if you just want to sit down and cry at the thought of indexing every last item in your closet, then here are a few things to think about.
Nobody is forcing you to do any of this. This is YOUR journey. So, knowing your intentions for this workshop and the benefits of a digital wardrobe, what’s most important to get done this week? To spell it out: you’re not a “failure” just because you don’t get to every last item in your closet. Please don’t stall out or give up here.
Most people never end up indexing the “just for me” categories like intimates, loungewear, or activewear and that’s totally okay. If we’re being completely honest, we’d prefer if you didn’t! So, go ahead and take that off the list.
Focus on knocking out the things you really wear and the things you wished you wore more. That’s it. Keep it manageable and go step by step. We can come back to all the other stuff in a future week when we talk about our closet cleanout.
At the same time, I want to balance the suggestion that you be gentle with yourself with a reminder from The Lesson above as to why this IS important to tackle the best you can.
The pieces in your closet have so much potential to help ‘solve’ the puzzle of your personal style, but they ARE doomed to irrelevancy as long as you insist on ignoring them. The indexing process is not purely a chore, but an opportunity to reset your entire style foundation. Because to achieve true personal style, we *have* to start putting just as much effort into understanding and styling our closet as we do shopping for our closet.
Until next time…
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